October 24, 2014 was the day I found out about you. I had been shopping with your sister when I realized I was a week late. I took a pregnancy test never imagining it would be positive and it was! There's a burst of love that rushes into you when you see two pink lines on a pregnancy test and it's unlike anything I can describe. From that moment on I started imagining you, what you'd look like, when we'd meet you and what it would be like to kiss your cheeks.
Anyone who sees me with my kids knows I can't get enough sugars from them. Whether it be when they first wake up, middle of the night or just stealing a kiss while they're playing. I LOVE kissing on my babies. That smell, the feel of their chubby cheeks it just makes my heart burst. So one of the hardest things for me to swallow when I lost you was that I wouldn't get to kiss you. I don't get to watch you come from me and onto the little hospital bed while they clean you up and daddy takes a million pictures. Then they bring you to me swaddled up and the first thing I'd do is kiss those cheeks and smell that smell. Every mom knows the smell I'm talking about. Sadie and Shane both have the same smell so I know you do too. I take comfort in that. Even though my heart aches knowing I lost you too soon I know without that your brother wouldn't be here. So you brought him life and I can't thank you enough for that. Not only did you bring him life but you taught me to never take a single second with your brother and sister for granted. I know I hold them tighter and love them more fiercely because of you. Thank you. Losing you was the most earth shattering thing your daddy and I have ever been through and I still have days when I cry thinking of you. But even in your short time in my belly you made an imprint on my heart that can never be taken away. It's special knowing I have something to look forward too. In my death I will meet my Creator and get to shower you with kisses. What's more special than that?
"But now that he is gone, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." 2 Samuel 12:23
